Thanks to some helpful intertubing I was introduced today to a website called youropenbook.org that exposes the not so hidden wall posts of Facebook randoms. I tried a little experiment to see what the common folk were saying about the draft. It reconfirmed everything that inspired me to do this blog in the first place. Most of it was just dinks throwing gang signs and reposting the same top 5 picks. With a little more digging I found these pearls of wisdom.
Ok folks, write your questions on a 3×5 index card and stop banging down Louis’ goddamn door with questions about the 49ers draft. He’s a busy, busy guy. So here’s what we do; plan on drafting 5 guys who won’t make it past the first round, in the first 3 rounds, then put the icing on the Super Bowl cake with Tyrod Taylor as your new franchise quarterback. Bada-bing Bada-boom. Louise has spoken. Don’t forget ppl, the Niners were only 2 wins away from a dominating 8-8 season last year in the worst division in the NFL. Leave it to a Yankees fan to come up with the most impossibly ignorant assessment of the draft I’ve seen yet.
Here him out guise. Is there a bigger name in Saints history than Craid Heyward? Fuck no. And would you mortgage your whole draft just to have a guys son drafted at the same pick as his father? Fuck yeah. A parallel like that totally negates the fact that Son of Craid wouldn’t even fit their defense. Everyone knows all quality GMs consult late 80’s drafts waiting for someone’s son to line up with it like a Greek prophecy. By “cheating here a bit” he’s obviously referring to the hot-off-the-presses paternity test results in his hands, unknown to the rest of us, that clued him in to Cameron’s secret link to his father… Craid.
WHAT ARE THE EAGLES DOING??? What is your systolic pressure doing??? Holy shit kid, the draft is almost 3 weeks away, and they’re in the middle of a lockout. They couldn’t “do” anything now if they wanted to. The only possible explanation here is that McCarthy here is one of the many who think mock drafts are real, scientologists want to give you a free stress test, and if you open up the car radio Ritchie Valens and Usher are inside. A quick lol @ “a chance to get Cameron Heyward” the most disappointing player in the NCAA last year, and basically a punishment for team who went deep into the post season without winning the Super Bowl. And a head shake over “what else is new??????” FYI Cardiac Kid, your team won the NFC East last season. Be grateful you don’t live in Buffalo.
Vikings-Barney-WWE hybird guy does a really shitty job of reading the newspaper.
Dear Curt Howard, Watt with the 2nd overall pick in the draft?? You should you know, like watch Sports Center for 15 minutes. It’s not like this is an insane idea, but of all the players to propose is a no brainer at 2nd overall it’s pretty random. And why is an elderly man in a cowboy outfit talking like Lindsay Lohan? Nothing in the world of Curt Howard makes sense.
If Tom Heckert knows what’s good for him he’ll heed Ravishing Rick Rude’s nephew’s baseless, unsupported advice. Chill out Todd it looks like your wish is destined to come true. Brooks Reed will be off the board well before Heckert and your Browns will get a 2nd crack at him. You and Heckert are both in a prime position to sit back and watch Reed chew through the Browns and every other opposing team like they were a stack of discount Muscle Milk bars for the next decade. Keep me posted on that leg workout though, brosef.